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Happy 11th Birthday, Afghanistan War!

Sunday marked the 11th anniversary of the beginning of the war against Afghanistan. Oh, we were so young then. We never would have expected it turning into our nation’s longest war.

How did you celebrate the 11th anniversary?

Did  you …

Dance on bin-Laden’s watery grave?

start a new “Support our troops” minivan magnet ribbon small business on Etsy?

Ponder the consequences of long-term military intervention?

Listen to “Handlebars” by Flobots for old times’ sake?

Make a sandwich?

Make a sandwich for your S/O?

Have a “Code Pink” reunion picnic and BBQ?

watch all of the Michael Moore movies while playing the Bacon eating game? (eat every time you think someone in the movie wants bacon just to spite them)

Go to brunch with DA GURLS xOxO?

Considered dusting off that old “Mission Accomplished” banner?

Ate Freedom Fries for a day? (made from free-range potatoes)

Forgot because Romney made a gaffe about Big Bird and now our collective shit is lost?

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Where Were You When Student Loan Debt Passed $1 Trillion?

Source: Mother Jones

100th al-Qaeda No. 2 Killed by Predator Drone

Washington — Pentagon officials announced today that the 100th al-Qaeda second-in-command, Rasool bin Siraatullah,  was killed during a drone strike in north Waziristan region of Pakistan. 

“This is a landmark achievement for not only the United States, but for the safety of the entire world,” Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta said at a special briefing Wednesday morning.

The news comes during the Democratic National Convention, where Democrats are touting the President’s success in ending the Iraq War and ordering the mission to kill al-Qaeda leader Osama bin-Laden.

Sec. Panetta pledged  that even with this milestone, the U.S. remains unwavering in its commitment to capture or kill all al-quaeda number 2’s.

“We will not stop at the 500th al-Qaeda number 2, or the 1000th dead al-Qaeda number 2. We will not stop until th e world is safe from al-Qaeda number 2’s,” Sec. Panetta said.

In honor of the occasion, the Defense Department had the predator drone plated with gold.

Obama is the #1 War President, Has Declared War on 109 Things

Everyone knows that President Barack Hussein Obama has managed to be the LEAST EFFECTIVE PRESIDENT EVER while simultaneously COMPLETELY RUINING AMERICA (via contradictory rhetoric). Today, Mother Jones, the top news source for Portlandia characters, compiled a list of 109 things Obama has declared war on. Most of these just link to blogs written by nobodies with too much time on their hands. 

Here are some of the highlights!

Mousepads and Cofffee Mugs - Conservative critics slammed Obama because he made campaign merch featuring his birth certificate as a joke on birthers. 

The rich and poor people - Great news for Romney, since that makes them equal now. 

Success - Now that Obama has reached the top job in the country, he wants to ruin success so nobody else can become President and he can be President for life. 

Britain - Obama should have known that giving the Queen a DVD box set of The Wire would be seen as an act of aggression.  She prefers Blu-Ray. 

The American People - It’s like he thinks he’s in the highest office in the land or something. 

Overall, I’m disappointed in MoJo. They had a perfect opportunity to make an 109 page long slide show. Arianna Huffington would never make that mistakes. Say what you will about her opinions, but she knows how to monetize others’ content for maximum Google ad dollars. 

Source: Mother Jones