January 2013 Pop Culture Halloween Costume Power Rankings
It is never too early to begin planning for a Halloween costume, particularly considering the potential gravity of the choice. A knockout Halloween costume can have people talking for weeks, while a lame “rip up some thrift store clothes, put blood and makeup on, and call it a day” will be forgotten while you sweat it all off at a Halloween party.
3. Barack Obama
Having successfully made it to his second term in office, Obama now gets to continue his hate-hate relationship with Congress. Also, since he no longer will run for office, liberal are now free to criticize him.
What you need: A suit, classified documents on targeted killings of U.S. citizens.
2. Lance Armstrong
For some reason, people demanded a public flogging of former Tour-de-France winner Lance Armstrong because he used steroids which I guess is significantly different from college student taking adderall or an aspiring actress getting implants.
What you need: A suit, Oprah (for an interview), Livestrong bracelet.
1. Manti Te’o
The Manti Te’o story is one of the best TV shows of the Winter Season. No other TV show combines widespread systemic journalistic ineptitude, an MTV show called “Catfish”, a non-existant girlfriend. It seemingly came to an end this past week when alleged mastermind spoke with Doctor
What you need: The gullibility of a 2-year-old, NFL-caliber athleticism.
3. Hillary Clinton
Hillary ended her stint as Secretary of State this month, leaving Fox News anchors without someone to constantly badger about Benghazi.
What you need: Pantsuit, Benghazi Flu (conservative)/blood clot (liberal)
2. Manti Te’o’s Non-existant Girlfriend
Not since Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat has the public been so fully enraptured by a half-fictional pair of star-crossed lovers.
What you need: A wild imagination
With performances lined up for the Super Bowl and the Presidential Inauguration, January was supposed to be her month. Unfortunately for her, lip-syncing scandal halted her momentum. She recovered briefly with her Super Bowl Halftime Show performance, but when her publicist asked websites to take down unflattering pictures of Beyonce, the Internet did what the Internet does:
What you need: Nobody but Beyoncé can be Beyoncé.
Unemployment Dips Briefly Following Destiny’s Child Super Bowl Announcement
In a move praised by the Department of Labor, Pop superstar Beyonce announced that she will reunite with all 546 former members of Destiny’s Child for her Super Bowl Halftime Performance.
The reunion idea was first floated by Beyonce’s friend First Lady Michelle Obama. The move is expected to temporarily employee the more than 500 former glorified backup singers and dancers, who are, for the most part, unemployed.
Some of the confirmed returning Destiny’s Child members include Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, that one chick, La-something, evil Beyonce, Sasha fierce, Maya Angelou, The Cheetah Girls, Tina Fey, and the cashier from Speedway.