Would Mitt Romney Have Been the First Black President?
Mitt Romney lost the 2012 presidential election, leaving conservatives with many questions. chief among them, though, is “Would Mitt Romney be the first black president?”
(Would have been) 45. Mitt Romney
Would he have been the first black president?
Would he be the first president in the black?
No, that was Jefferson.
Would Mitt Romney have been the president most in the black financially?
Mitt Romney: “If Elected, I Promise to Change Labor Day to Job Creator Day”
During a speech in an Iowa campaign stop, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney spoke to the crowd of farmers and unemployed workers about his plan to save the economy and bring back jobs.
Romney spoke about creating a more business-friendly tax code and reducing environmental regulations, but his most interesting idea came late in his speech.
“Barack Obama has endlessly attacked upstanding businessmen like myself, something I will fix during my time in office. The first step is to get the nation refocused on the real engine of the economy, which is why I will work with congress to rename Labor Day to Job Creator Day,” Romney said.
The GOP candidate went on to say that for too long, the nation has overly glorified labor. He hopes that this change will make more Americans thankful to wealthy businessmen, who generously allow us to work to feed our families, sometimes even with health insurance, benefits, and two weeks of vacation time.
Romney did not stop there. He also announced plans to sell naming rights to all official Federal Holidays.
“People love the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, so why not just take it a step further and sell the entire day to Macy’s,” Romney said.
The Romney campaign suggests that the rights could generate over $1.5 Billion over the next ten years.
Other holiday proposals include “Bud Light’s New Year’s New Beers Day”, “Kentucky Fried Christmas”, “Chik-fil-Arbor Day”,” Martin Luther King Junior Mints Day” and “Tyler Perry’s Fourth of July Did I Get Married.”
2012 Presidential Debate Drinking Game Moderators Announced
While the presidential debates between President Obama and Governor Romney have no real chance of matching the highs of the 2011 GOP debates or the 2008 VP debate, they still are a time-honored tradition that allows political pundits to be more like ESPN post-game analysts and say a lot of empty words to fill time between ads for gold and cialis. The details are:
On Oct. 3, Jim Lehrer of PBS NewsHour will moderate the first of three televised debates between President Obama and Republican Mitt Romney. The Denver debate will focus on domestic policy.
On Oct. 11, Martha Raddatz of ABC News will moderate the sole debate between Vice President Joe Biden and Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan, in Danville, Ky.
On Oct. 16, Crowley will moderate the second presidential debate, in Hempstead, N.Y. Unlike the other debates, it will be a town hall-style discussion, with questions coming primarily from “undecided voters” selected by the Gallup polling organization.
On Oct. 22, Bob Schieffer of CBS News will host the final presidential debate, in Boca Raton, Fla. It will focus on foreign policy.
Since Romney and Obama are fairly stiff, boring individuals, the drinking games associated with the debates will be the only way to squeeze a modicum of pleasure from the ” You want to kill medicare/No U!” that will inevitably dominate the debates.
DRINKING GAME RULES
October 3rd Domestic Policy Debate - Focus on Unemployment, Healthcare, Immigration, Education
Drink When Someone Says/Does: Tax, job(s), Medicare, Europe, unemployment, job creator, health reform, obamacare, romneycare, health reform, immigrants, deportation, undocumented workers (liberal)/Illegal immigrants (conservative), Obama smirks, Romney cackles.
October 11th Vice-Presidential Debate - Focus on not saying anything dumb to hurt the top of the ticket
Drink When Someone Says/Does - Pretty much same as above, when you imagine Paul Ryan naked, when your imagined naked Paul Ryan morphs into Ron Paul, when you imagine Sarah Palin naked for old times’ sake.
October 16th - Town Hall Debate by “Undecided” Voters - Hear political questions from the person in front of you in the line at a restaurant who just now chose to explore every option on the menu when you only have ten minutes left on your break and you can’t be late again or else it will be a written warning instead of a verbal warning. That is the type of person who will decide this election. Of course they got a woman to moderate this debate, considering that WOMEN BE INDECISIVE amirite? Periods.
Drink When Someone Says/Does: Unemployed, single-mother/parent, kids, college, “what does x mean for me”, a slight pause while asking a question indicating narrowly avoided racism/sexism/or all-purpose ignorance.
October 11th Foreign Policy Debate - Focus mostly on Middle-East wars, trade with China, Eurozone Debt Crisis, and maybe a little Syria sprinkled in for good measure.
Drink When Someone Says/Does: Iraq, Iran, China, North Korea, Russia, Syria, Euro, default, Germany, Greece, democracy, Afghanistan, apologizing for America (conservative), when Obama is asked a question about emerging BRIC nations but you can tell by his eyes that he just wants to say “I killed Bin Laden come at me bro!”, trade, exports, imports, Beijing.
Tom Barrett Gets Slapped In Face By Physical Manifestation of the Invisible Hand of the Market
Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, best known for his actions to remove collective bargaining rights for public-sector jobs, beat democratic challenger Tom Barrett in the gubernatorial recall election last night.
A female supporter slapped Barret in the face after he conceded the election to Gov. Walker. This woman was clearly overtaken by the spirit of the invisible hand of the marketplace.
This is clearly a sign that the Invisible Hand approves of Gov. Walker’s work to remove collective bargaining rights and lower wages across the board.
The Invisible Hand is similar to the Holy Ghost, except more efficient. The Invisible Hand does that same work as the Holy Ghost for a fraction of its ethereal limbs.
Mitt Romney Rebrands the U.S. as “Amercia”
Mitt Romney is running largely on his business experience. As a former executive, Romney knows that sometimes, a company has to rebrand after potentially bad public relations disasters.
This is a bold, but necessary move. Romney understands that America’s stock truly has fallen during the Obama presidency. Everyone knows that it is easier to keep a credit score,than rebuild it. Not to mention how much money we owe other countries. “Amercia” will allow us to have a fresh start in a new town, maybe meet a nice resource-rich third world nation and start all over again.
The former governor likely was inspired by Phillip Morris’ rebranding to Altria after the landmark tobacco lawsuit by the states.
People often chide Romney for bowing to public opinion, but his actions here are most definitely presidential.
Was Ronald Reagan the First Black President?
Before President Obama was elected and ended racism forever, people liked to call Bill Clinton the first Black President for some combination of reasons that didn’t really make him black but we thought we were decades away from a black president so America kind of just went with it.
Anyway, a controversial magazine named The Conservative Teen, which exists to combat the horrible liberal biases found in Highlights, published a controversial story suggesting that Ronald Reagan was the first black president.
I did not read the story because in 2012 analysis is post-content, so I will make some assumptions about what the story actually said.
- Reagan was President during Eddie Murphy’s prime, while Obama has failed to raise Eddie Murphy to his 1980’s levels.
- Article means “black” as in “dark”, assumes that Reagan was a dark magician practicing voodoo economics (trickle down).
- Reagan knew a black person, making him the first black president by the transitive property of blackness.
Santorum Opposes Choosy Moms’ Right To Choose Jiff
Grand Rapids, Mich — Following his second place finish in the Michigan Republican Primary, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum held a press conference to outline in strategy for Super Tuesday. While Santorum stressed his conservative credentials and Christian faith, he also unveiled a new talking point.
“I’m going to talk about something that no other President has. For too long, choosy American Moms have degraded America’s moral fiber by picking an ungodly form of sandwich spread,” Santorum said.
Pro-Choosy Moms’ lobbying group, SnackPAC, has yet to issue a statement, but many political analysts believe that Santorum’s stance will hurt him on Tuesday
“I didn’t think his views of banning contraception, saying college is for snobs, and not wanting to help black people were problematic, but this, this is just out of line,” conservative pundit Michelle Malkin said.
Romney is Statistically a Generic Republican. Is he the Goldilocks of GOP Candidates?
Romney did it! In his quest to become the perfect candidate for the office he is running for at that particular time, Romney has achieved the coveted “generic Republican” position usually held by a hypothetical candidate.
This information came out of Nate Silver’s excellent statistical analysis, which used DW-Nominate, a system of measure the ideology of Congressmen based upon their voting record, with 0 being very liberal and 100 being very conservative.
The various measures are in fairly strong agreement for Mr. Romney, who rates as exactly a 50 on the scale. (Meaning, he is essentially a “generic Republican.”) And all of the measures see Newt Gingrich as somewhat more “extreme” than the typical presidential nominee; he comes out at 68 on the scale.
I bet Gingrich feels good about being more extreme than Mitt. He’s so extreme that at age 68, he is already on his third wife. Moderate Romney is still boringly still in his first marriage.
It is safe to call Romney the “Goldilocks candidate” now. He has earned it.
Source: The New York Times
American Electorate Chooses to Sit This Election Out
USA — In a shocking announcement immediately following the South Carolina Primary, the American electorate has chosen to drop out of the GOP nomination race, citing exhaustion and low voter enthusiasm.
The American electorate, whose role is typically to vote for candidates during elections, said that the particular weak field of Republican candidates don’t offer enough of an incentive to leave their homes to vote.
“I’ve been a lifelong Republican voter, but this year is too much. They added in SuperPACs. I don’t even know what a regular PAC is.”
Reactions among the GOP candidates have been mixed. Rick Santorum, who won the Iowa primary weeks after it occurred, sees it as a boon to his campaign.
“Now, only the craziest people will vote, a key demographic of my base.”
Mitt Romney’s campaign issued a slightly less optimistic statement Saturday night.
“Look, everyone wants a candidate that will inspire Americans to be their best. You think we don’t want that guy or gal to run too? But he or she isn’t, so vote Mitt Romney for America.
Gingrich Steals South Carolina; Should Romney Give Up?
People made a huge deal out of the South Carolina primary because it was seen as the last chance for conservatives to ‘defeat’ Romney/pick a candidate who stands no chance in the general election against Obama.
Well it seems they have won, and by they, I mean people who use they as a means of dehumanizing groups they would not like to support through social benefits and full rights. What a night!
This is bad news for Romney, who planned to coast to the GOP nomination on a wave of voter apathy.
This is even worse news for the group of Evangelicals who gathered in Texas last weekend to pick a candidate to support. It seems the wealthy Evangelical bump could not even push Santorum over the top.
If Romney was smart, he would quit now. Sure, he won’t get a Fox News TV show like Herman Cain eventually will, but at least he is still young enough to pursue his true passion, catching and gutting corporations for maximum profit.
Chuck Todd DISSES Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert is known as the foremost satirist at the 11:30 PM time slot on Comedy Central. Recently he decided to form an exploratory committee to consider running for the President of South Carolina. Since Colbert entered the race, Rick Perry and Jon Huntsman have quit the race for the GOP presidential nomination, raising the question of how the other candidates will react if Colbert runs.
Of course NBC news anchor/chief large graph soothsayer Chuck Todd DISS’D Colbert at what appears to be a meeting of the last group of journalists before bloggers take over everything and nobody makes money by ‘writing words” anymore.
“He’s making a mockery of the system!” - Chuck Todd, clutching his pearls.
Todd says that Colbert may be presenting an ‘anti-republican agenda’ and that he is turning running for president into a ‘joke’. Todd is an ethical journalist, and would never ever interview a candidate who is seemingly unserious.
In this shocking video, Todd interviews the host/CEO of Celebrity Apprentice, a popular show in which a C-list celebrities compete for __________
Anyway, Todd makes distinctions about people with TV shows who run for president, with the distinction being that it’s cool as long as the candidate is a real joke and not executing satire on the state of our electoral system.
Todd also says that the media makes real life GOP candidates seem like jokes when they cover ‘joke candidate’Colbert. Todd subscribes to a form of journalism called
“Prof-Journalism” aka “Profit-maximization Journalism.
This is where the goal is to step on as few toes as possible in an attempt to keep viewers from wandering off into Facebook/Twitter/Google +
This goes against one of the baddest of the bad boy journalism rebels, Edward Murrow, who went against Prof-Journalism because he wanted to “do the right thing”
“McCarthy does make some good points about ruining careers/lives/shaming people/exploiting national paranoia. Let’s go to the electoral graph” - Lil Todd during McCarthyism.
Rick Perry PANS Santorum, Endorses Gingrich
Rick Perry showed his vindictive side today when he panned Rick Santorum aka “Cabal’s Choice” by endorsing Historian Newt Gingrich.
This is a bold choice for Perry, who was close to losing to the other GOP candidates in Texas. I guess if you’re going to drop out of your failed presidential bid, you better fail hard onto another candidate.
Perry will relax by spending time at his now re-named “Waynehead Ranch”
“African-American Head Ranch was taken”
Ricks Perry Fails Presidential Bid ; Colbert Scare Count Goes to 2
At 11 AM EST, Rick Perry of Texas will announce that he was scared out of the race for the GOP nomination following hero Stephen Colbert’s announcement of an exploratory committee to run for President of South Carolina.
Perry failed to stay competitive in primaries, but, more importantly, failed to garner the support of a cabal of wealthy Christian conservatives who met last weekend to pick a non-Mitt Romney candidate.
This comes on the heels of Jon Huntsman dropping out after he realized nobody knew he was in the race.
MORE DEVELOPING SOON
Prominent GOP Donors Urge News Corp to Run for President
New York - A group of prominent Republican donors held a press conference on Monday urging News Corporation to take advantage of the weak field of declared candidates.
This announcement comes a day after Gov.Rick Perry, the frontrunner for the nomination, faced allegations of racism following the discovery of a rock on Perry’s property with “niggerhead” written on it.
“Seriously, Perry, cover your tracks. This isn’t Texas, where you might have been able to get out of that,” an anonymous donor said.
An Early Wallstreet Journal/NBC News poll released this evening shows News Corp with a fifty point lead over the nearest candidate, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney.
While it lacks a physical body, soul, and the capacity to love, News Corp is able to run as a result of the controversial Citizens United Supreme Court case.
When asked about News Corp’s commanding lead, Romney replied that he no longer believes that “corporations are people too.”
In a prepared statement, News Corp said that it is flattered by the attention, but would rather not lose power and influence by becoming President.