Ironic Scientists’ New Vaccine Leads to Global Pandemic
Atlanta — Claiming that they knew their research was “really dumb”, a group of ironic scientists testified at the U.N. after their flue vaccine failed to prevent a global pandemic of the likes of which the world has never seen.
The vaccine, which the scientists say they produced because they thought it was “so bad that it’s funny,” was released to the public this spring to in advance of an expected West Nile Virus outbreak.
“I mean, I guess we could have “tried” to prevent the deaths of millions, but, I don’t know, this felt a lot more real, you know?” lead scientist Henry Galvas said.
Since its release two months ago, the vaccine has been responsible for over 3 million deaths worldwide.
“Contrary to the vaccine’s primary goal of disease prevention, the vaccine has in fact made people more susceptible to the West Nile Virus. According to the scientists, the vaccine is working “perfectly.”
As of press time, the scientists have not been charged or taken into custody for their actions, but the U.N. has passed a resolution condemning the scientists for their “unyeilding adherence to irony in the wake of the deaths of millions.”
In related news, Jenny McCarthy held a press conference today reaffirming that her opposition to life-saving vaccines that actual work is in no way ironic.
“I will not rest until polio and whooping cough return to their 1940’s levels,” McCarthy said.