New “Romneying” Fad Sweeps The Nation, Will Kill All Of Your Children
*This news story was written by veteran local news reporter Skip Peterson*
Tonight, we have a UPN News exclusive. A new, deadly craze is sweeping the nation. The kids call it, “Romneying”
A marijuana-smoking woman was arrested on Saturday in Phoenix after she accidentally drove away with her five-week-old son in a child safety seat on the roof of her vehicle, police said.
As you may know, Romney is known for having strapped his dog to the roof of the Romney family station wagon during a summer road trip. Mitt Romney, who has long been the youth vote’s candidate of choice, has obviously influenced the impressionable woman in this story.
The baby fell off the car in the middle of an intersection and was found unharmed and strapped into the seat, said Phoenix police spokesmanJames Holmes.
The mother Catalina Clouser, 19, was booked into jail on child abuse and aggravated assault charges, he said. The infant was taken to a local hospital as a precaution and is in the custody of stateChild Protective Services.
After the baby fell, the mom proceeded to hose down the baby to clean it off, then continued along her way.
The government has yet to release statistics detailing just how many babies have been killed or injured by the “Romneying” fad, but from my our statistical extrapolations and fear-based imaginations, almost a million babies have died as a result of the new craze.
Romneying will surely be a major issue during the Presidential debates. On one hand, Romney must be excited to so thoroughly capture the minds of young people, but if they keep Romneying at current imagined rates, there won’t be a youth vote alive in November to vote for him.
We at UPN Local 11 News urge parents to talk to your kids about the dangers of Romneying, especially if your child has already engaged in vodka eyeballing, butt chugging, bath salts, oregano, lipstick parties, sex act wristbands, or vodka gummy bears.
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