Hundreds of Phones Dead, Thousands Injured following Music Festival Storms

Chicago — While Torrential rain did not bother the bands at the Pitchfork Music Festival, the heavy downfall wreaked havoc on the festivalgoers’ cell phones. By the end of the three day festival, 2,144 cell phones were injured, while at least 100 phones died.
Injuries ranged from minor scratches and chipped paint to inconsistent touch screens, wonky headphone jacks, and abnormally low call volumes.
The majority of the audience took precautionary actions as soon as it began sprinkling, while others, to wrapped up in the music, left their mobile devices barely, if at all, protected.
“At first I thought it was just a sweaty tall guy or something, but then the rain got worse, so I thought ‘nobody sweats that much’ and ran for the trees by the Green Stage. Thankfully, I got there before anything serious could happen to my phone ” DePaul University Freshman Colleen Fitzgerald said.
Other phones weren’t so lucky.
An iPhone 4S owned by barista Jerome Phelps, suffered massive internal injuries during A$AP Rocky’s early Friday set, but the final death blow arrived when Alexis Krauss of Sleigh Bells poured water on the crowd. The iPhone was 6.5 months old, and is survived by an iPad Classic 32 GB and a MacBook Pro.
Following the festival, Police investigations into Union Park resulted in the recovery over 40 unidentified phones. The phones were taken back to the Chicago Police, where the phones were tested before disposal.
One fan, 24-year-old graphic designer Tess Neil was glad the rain broke her phone.
“Honestly, I was tired of being made fun of for still having a BlackBerry. I can finally be relevant now,” Ms. Neil said.