Who Was the First Black President? (Part 15 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
15. James Buchanan
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 29 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 14 of 44)
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 13 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
13. Millard Fillmore
Was he the first nerd president?
Hell yeah with a name like “Millard” I bet people stole his coin-purse all the time in high school.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 31 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 12 of 44)
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 12 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
12. Zachary Taylor
Is he named after Home Improvement child star Jonathan Taylor-Thomas?
No, that’s not how names or biology work.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 32 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Is America Ready For a Dog Speaker of the House?
Yesterday, John Boehner was granted a second term as Speaker of the House of Representatives. Some people thought a possible Eric Cantor coup was brewing based off of the fiscal cliff negotiations, however, no such attempt occurred.
However, the most interesting news is that for the first time in American history, a dog received a vote for Barker Speaker of the House of Representatives.
This is a huge moment for dog-Americans everywhere. Dogs have already broken the glass ceiling in numerous different sports.
Basketball
Football
Baseball
Politics very well may be the next arena that dogs will break into. This is only the beginning for Canine Congressmen.
Trump Offers $5,000,000 to Anyone Who Can Help Him Feel Human Again
New York City — Wealthy businessman, former Republican presidential candidate, and reality TV star Donald Trump released a statement today offering $5 Million to any American who can make him feel like a member of the human race, if only for a few seconds.
Trump, who has been a fixture of the 2012 campaign even after dropping out of the race early, has continued asking for President Obama’s birth certificate in addition to holding multiple fundraisers for GOP nominee Mitt Romney.
The statement in full is as follows.
My fellow Americans, I come to you today not as a millionaire, but as a burned out-husk of what used to resemble a homo-sapien. Somewhere along the line, maybe after my first failed marriage or my first successful bankruptcy, I lost sight of what it truly means to live. I have buildings, helicopters, and award-winning golf-courses with my name on them, yet, the void inside grows larger with each passing day.
I thought getting into politics would give me purpose. Instead, I am now at what I hope is the bottom of a dark, fruitless pursuit to validate racial prejudices and otherism. I had no other option but to offer $5 Million for the president’s college transcripts and passports. It was double or nothing.
This is why I humbly ask someone, anyone, teach me how to feel true emotions again. This isn’t about love or sex. I can buy those things. This is about re-learning how to appreciate the first snowfall, a baby’s face, or how to interact with others without listing all of my boats
Please hurry. I fear that I have little time until the black hole inside my soul completely annihilates all traces of my existence.
Trump does require that all candidates be gorgeous nubile women between the ages of 18- 25, preferably blonde.
Shadowy Sesame Street SuperPAC Releases Pro-Romney Ad
As I predicted last week, a secretive, shadowy SuperPAC released an ad today regarding Mitt Romney’s statements about defunding PBS during last week’s first Presidential Debate. However, I was wrong about the direction. This ad is supporting Romney’s decision to go after “Sesame Street” instead of “Wall Street”?
One can only speculate on how voters will react to such a hardline stance on TV show for kids and also the Afghanistan War’s birthday was Sunday an d you didn’t even get it a present.
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SCANDAL : Romney Caught Being Sincere for First Time This Campaign. Will He Use the R.Kelly/Shaggy Defense?
Mitt Romney has long been lam basted by people on both sides of the aisle for appearing wooden and conviction-less because of his wooden delivery and various views on the same topics. Now, the mainstream media is attacking Romney for speaking with some conviction for once.
There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.
You can practically feel the fire in his belly as he speaks with disdain for the dirty democrat poors. This conviction was completely absent from his statements about the trees in Michigan being the right height.
Surprisingly, Romney has not employed the Shaggy/R Kelly “It wasn’t me on the tape even though it looks an d sounds just like me” defense. He must be pretty sure of his statements in order to not back down.
“They caught me speaking at a fundraiser”
It wasn’t me
“Talking down about the working class”
It wasn’t me
“Even created a new 47 percent meme”
It wasn’t me
They even caught it on camera!”
It wasn’t me
Similarly, R. Kelly is known for winning a trial where there was a video of him pissing on an underage girl by claiming that the guy who was in the video was not him. Romney figuratively pissed on the 47 percent of Americans who don’t pay income tax for a variety of reasons (GOP lowering income tax rates intentionally, the elderly, students, and umeployed).
The media should stop attacking Romney and instead applaud him for being honest, even if his honesty reveals him to be a vile, borderline-cartoonish villain who has little sympathy for the groups who make up that 47 percent “moocher class”, which includes the elderly, students, and the unemployed.
Source: Mother Jones
Romney Campaign: “Barack Obama Doesn’t Care About White People”
Thank you for clicking on my inflammatory headline. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog post.
As the 2012 election heats up, President Obama and his republican rival, Mitt Romney, are pulling out all the stops to win. Obama has sung for votes twice ,and even starred in a major hollywood blockbuster, while Romney has courted the youth vote with a TRL appearance. Now, the Romney Campaign upped the ante with a new set of remarks in advance of Romney’s European Fundraising tour.
In remarks that may prompt accusations of racial insensitivity, one suggested that Mr Romney was better placed to understand the depth of ties between the two countries than Mr Obama, whose father was from Africa.
“We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage, and he feels that the special relationship is special,” the adviser said of Mr Romney, adding: “The White House didn’t fully appreciate the shared history we have”.
It is very clear that Barack Obama doesn’t appreciate his Anglo-Saxon heritge. Just look at these damning photos.
According to a special investigation, these pictures are of a young President Obama, hating his mother, Ann Dunham. I disagree, however, because Obama is clearly dark, and therefore is 100 percent pure black.
Unless . . .
Perhaps, and i may be jumping to conclusions here, but maybe, just maybe, Barack Obama, is secretly American. Yes, I know this violates the conventional wisdom of him being a marxist communist Keynesian Kenyan, but I have proof!
A) Numerous pictures of a white woman, Ann Dunham, who was an American from Kansas.
2) More photographic evidence of the President with his white grandparents.
3) His voice! He’s much too well-spoken not to understand Anglo-Saxons, right, RIGHT?
The Obama campaign is hard at work covering up his secret WASP-ness for fear it could hurt the President this fall. Only time will tell if the Romney campaign chooses to keep hammering their attack on Obama’s lack of white anglo-saxon-ness.
So either Barack Obama secretly doesn’t understand/care about white people, or he is secretly a white American, or, perhaps most sinister of all, the Romney Campaign is trying to exploit racial fears among the electorate in a classless, shrewd play for the White Anglo-Saxon House.
President Obama to Reinstate F.U.R.B.Y. Domestic Surveillance Program in September
Washington — The Department of Homeland security announced today that it will reinstate its Federal Undercover Reconaisaince Buddy Yapping (F.U.R.B.Y) program, which began during the Clinton administration and continued during the George W. Bush presidency.
The new and improved robotic buddy is due to hit store shelves in September, and unsurprisingly it’s much more technologically advanced than its predecessors — it features LCD eyes, rubber ears that twitch and move, touch-enabled sensors, and the ability to interact with other furbies or even an iPad through high frequency audio. Furby will dance to music, knows if you’re hanging it upside down, and has multiple personalities that you can switch between.
Video Demonstration
Counterintelligence experts believe that the program was resurrected with new, high tech surveillance features in order to better monitor new technologies, like smart phones and tablet computers.
F.U.R.B.Y.s will initially be used to help the federal government collect intelligence on drug trafficking in the Southwest, cyber crime, and as poll watchers during elections.
This move falls in line with President Obama’s preference of precise, robot assisted warfare over conventional human troops.
“The President remains committed to using methods which minimize military and civilian casualties, ” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said today.
The F.U.R.B.Y. program is not without criticism. The American Civil Liberties Union issued a statement calling the program “an unreasonable encroachment into the privacy of all Americans.”
Source: theverge.com
Obama Uses His WILDLY UNCHECKED EXECUTIVE POWER to End the BCS
President King Obama is on a rampage again! For the third consecutive week, Obama has used his wildly unchecked executive power to halt deportations of law-abiding illegal immigrants and deny congress documents pertaining to operation Fast and Furious. Now, Obama ended the Bowl Championship Series, the controversial college football championship system.
“Come 2014, the BCS is dead. A committee of university presidents on Tuesday approved the BCS commissioners’ plan for a four-team playoff to start in the 2014 season.
“The move completes a six-month process in which the commissioners have been working on a new way to determine a college football champion. Instead of simply matching the No. 1 and No. 2 teams in the country in a championship game after the regular season, the way the Bowl Championship Series has done since 1998, the new format will create a pair of national semifinals. No. 1 will play No. 4, No. 2 will play No. 3.”
Sure, Obama didn’t explicitly have anything to do with the end of the BCS, but I am sure the university presidents were fearful that Obama would come after them next. Like most of his subjects, Obama has never been a fan of the BCS.
The Obama administration is considering several steps that would review the legality of the controversial Bowl Championship Series, the Justice Department said in a letter Friday to a senator who had asked for an antitrust review.
In the letter to Sen. Orrin Hatch, obtained by The Associated Press, Assistant Attorney General Ronald Weich wrote that the Justice Department is reviewing Hatch’s request and other materials to determine whether to open an investigation into whether the BCS violates antitrust laws.
This is clearly just a cheap move by the Obama campaign to appeal to the south, who will now send four teams to the BCS final four every year.
May Primate Sector Jobless Rate Rises to 9.3 Percent
Continuing last month’s trend, only 20,000 jobs were added to the primate sector in May, driving the unemployment rate up to 9.3 percent.
The losses surprised economists, who expected summer carnivals and state fairs to create at least 40,000 additional jobs, even if the hiring boom was seasonal.
“We underestimated the effect of fiscally conservative Republican-controlled state legislatures, which have moved to cut funding for state fairs and subsidies for traveling circuses, thus keeping thousands of primates out of work,” Stanford economist Zurich Swartz said.
Lemurs, who have long faced discrimination by both employers and others in the primate community, have been hardest hit by the recession.
Gumdrops, a 12-year-old single mother of two, has resorted to occasional jobs testing cosmetics and medicines, which only occasionally provide enough money for Gumdrops to feed her kids.
“I know it’s a risk, and a foolish one, but I don’t have time to plan ahead. My kids understand this. I just pray every day that a new eyeliner doesn’t cause massive tumors to grow over my eyes, blinding me from the sight of my beautiful kids forever, ” Gumdrops said.
Many experts believe President Obama has yet to address the primate jobs issue because primates do not currently have the right to vote.
Previously: April Employment Report Shows A Decrease In Primate Sector Jobs
What? Obama’s views are evolving!
April Employment Report Shows A Decrease in Primate Sector Jobs
D.C. — A new report released by the Department of Labor today revealed the loss of over 50,000 primate sector jobs during April.
Decreased demand in the circus, zoo, and eccentric millionaire industries has led to massive layoffs of many middle-class primates.
“I worked at the Detroit Zoo for over six years. Do you know how many children I entertained, how much joy I’ve brought to the world? Now I’m unemployed and homeless. It’s not easy for a middle-aged primate to change careers,” Oliver Winsome the Third, a spider-monkey, said.
As rough as the recession has been universally rough, young primates have received the brunt of the bad economy. The unemployment rate among primates ages 4-7 is 68 percent, almost double the rate of primates over seven years old.
“My friends and I are all in the same boat. Unless you have a the family connections, it’s hard to break in anywhere. Ringling Bros. requires at least 2-3 years of circus experience for an entry level position as a stunt monkey,” Rainbows, a three-year-old monkey said.
President Obama has announced a series of measures aimed at preventing the further loss of primate sector jobs, such as grants to fund State Fairs and tax breaks for middle-class families who own at least one primate.
President Obama is a Birther, Asks Hawaiian Woman for her Birth Certificate
President Obama has battled allegations by delusional conspiracy theorists who claim that he is secretly foreign/muslin/muslim. He has already shown humor about the absurd allegations, beginning with monetzing the fake controversy by selling merch with his long-form birth certificate on it.
In this video, the President exposes himself as a birther when he asks a local Hawaiian woman for her birth certificate after she said she was born in Hawaii.
This is a huge shift for the President, and an even bigger change for birthers, who masked their closet contrarianism to anything the President does behind an even more absurd veil of questioning his policies. I’m sure Orly Taitz’ mind is reeling at this news.
Source: rawstory.com
