Who Was the First Black President? (Part 17 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
17. Andrew Johnson
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 27 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
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Who Was the First Black President? (Part 16 of 44)
BREAKING: Mitt Romney to Run for Pope
Vatican City — Despite the short timeframe since his loss to Incumbent President Barack Obama last November, former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced his intention to run for the soon-to-be-vacted top Papal office.
Romney, a devout Mormon, announced his plans in a press release issued only seconds after the Vatican revealed that Pope Benedict’s resignation effective February 28th.
“I learned many lessons from the 2012 campaign. Chief among this is to never stop trying, no matter what. I see Pope Benedict’s resignation as a sign from the Almighty. Maybe I was not meant to be President, but I am meant to be Pope.”
Romney balked at critics who argue that his devout Mormon past will get in the way of his 2013 Papal run, saying that he had no problems changing policy positions during his Presidential bids and that as a former “turnaround artist”, he knows how to revive dying institutions.
“The Catholic Church in America is shrinking. Parishes are closing, and churches are being consolidated day-by-day. I know how to fix that!
The former governor plans to begin his campaign today in Vatican City, where he will meet with key members of the College of Cardinals. Romney said he looks forward to gaining their support, also noting that the College of Cardinals is a much fairer election system than the Electoral College.
January 2013 Pop Culture Halloween Costume Power Rankings
It is never too early to begin planning for a Halloween costume, particularly considering the potential gravity of the choice. A knockout Halloween costume can have people talking for weeks, while a lame “rip up some thrift store clothes, put blood and makeup on, and call it a day” will be forgotten while you sweat it all off at a Halloween party.
MEN
3. Barack Obama
Having successfully made it to his second term in office, Obama now gets to continue his hate-hate relationship with Congress. Also, since he no longer will run for office, liberal are now free to criticize him.
What you need: A suit, classified documents on targeted killings of U.S. citizens.
2. Lance Armstrong
For some reason, people demanded a public flogging of former Tour-de-France winner Lance Armstrong because he used steroids which I guess is significantly different from college student taking adderall or an aspiring actress getting implants.
What you need: A suit, Oprah (for an interview), Livestrong bracelet.
1. Manti Te’o
The Manti Te’o story is one of the best TV shows of the Winter Season. No other TV show combines widespread systemic journalistic ineptitude, an MTV show called “Catfish”, a non-existant girlfriend. It seemingly came to an end this past week when alleged mastermind spoke with Doctor
What you need: The gullibility of a 2-year-old, NFL-caliber athleticism.
WOMEN
3. Hillary Clinton
Hillary ended her stint as Secretary of State this month, leaving Fox News anchors without someone to constantly badger about Benghazi.
What you need: Pantsuit, Benghazi Flu (conservative)/blood clot (liberal)
2. Manti Te’o’s Non-existant Girlfriend
Not since Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat has the public been so fully enraptured by a half-fictional pair of star-crossed lovers.
What you need: A wild imagination
1. Beyoncé
With performances lined up for the Super Bowl and the Presidential Inauguration, January was supposed to be her month. Unfortunately for her, lip-syncing scandal halted her momentum. She recovered briefly with her Super Bowl Halftime Show performance, but when her publicist asked websites to take down unflattering pictures of Beyonce, the Internet did what the Internet does:
What you need: Nobody but Beyoncé can be Beyoncé.
BONUS
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 12 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
12. Zachary Taylor
Is he named after Home Improvement child star Jonathan Taylor-Thomas?
No, that’s not how names or biology work.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 32 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 11 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
11. James K. Polk
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 33 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 10 of 44)
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 10 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
10. John Tyler
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 34 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 9 of 44)
#HatWatch: Will Aretha’s Hat Appear at Obama’s 2nd Inauguration?
Outside of Barack Obama’s first inauguration being a historic moment for our nation, particularly considering our troubled history with race, the most important part of the event was Aretha Franklin’s old church lady hat.
Aretha’s hat was a hit. Some people remember that the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay act was the first bill Obama signed, but most will remember Aretha’s Hat the first meme of the Obama Administration
“Does this hat make me the first black president?”
“Yo dawg, I heard you like memes, so I put a meme inside a meme so you can meme while you meme”
“Upgrade or Downgrade from a crown of thorns?”
Will we see Aretha’s Hat again?
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 9 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
9. William Henry Harrison
Was he the first President to die in office?
Yes.
Did he create the secret island where Tupac, Elvis, and jimi Hendrix live?
Yes.
So he is still alive?
REDACTED
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 35 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 8 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
8. Martin Van Buren
Was he Scrooge in a community theatre production of “A Christmas Carol”?
Yes
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 36 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 7 of 44)
November 2012 Pop Culture Halloween Costume Power Rankings
It is never too early to begin planning for a Halloween costume, particularly considering the potential gravity of the choice. A knockout Halloween costume can have people talking for weeks, while a lame “rip up some thrift store clothes, put blood and makeup on, and call it a day” will be forgotten while you sweat it all off at a Halloween party.
The following list are the most culturally relevant costumes for Halloween 2k13 as of November.
3. Wreck It Ralph - The titular character of Disney/Pixar’s new movie will be an easy option for husky bros. Ralph’s catchphrase, “I’m gonna wreck it!”, will certainly be a hit at any Halloween party, provided you don’t get knocked out first.
What You Need: Flannel shirt, overalls, cartoonishly large arms, a medal.
2. David Petraeus - News of the former CIA Director’s resignation in the wake of Obama’s re-eletion shocked many pundits, but further revelations that the reason behind the resignation was an extramarital affair. For Halloween, nothing says “DTF” like dressing up as a former high-ranking government official.
What You Need: Medals, presitige, a side-chick
1. Nate Silver - running up to the election, conservative pundits piled on the New York Times blogger, claiming that his polls were biased and couldn’t properly describe the electorate. Well, reality’s well documented liberal bias came through, with Silver’s model accurately predicting the election.
What You Need: Math, facts
3. #flaghead #flaglady - As news outlet called the election for President Obama fairly early in the night, many Americans wondered if an election cycle marked by so many memes would end without one. Thankfully, one brave woman rose to the challenge. While Obama gave a stirring victory speech, the public was fixated on #FlagLady sitting behind him, an American flag stuck in her hair.
What You Need: Hair,unbridled patriotism, a small United States flag
2. Nicole Westbrook - The Luigi to Rebecca Black’s Mario, Nicole partnered with “Friday” producer Patrice to record a Thanksgiving banger we’ve all been waiting for,though we still aren’t sure why these videos keep happening.
What You Need: A giant turkey leg to sing into, mashed potatoes, can’t be H8ful gotta be Gr8ful
1. Ashli Gay - Coming in right at the end of the month, Ashli’s rant listing facts about the dead/alive status of her family members and her hypemom’s bra shone bright in an ever-darkening internet winter.
What You Need: Your mom, a Mount Vernon t-shit, grainy webcam.
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 7 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
7. Andrew Jackson
Was he the first sorcerer-in-chief?
Probably
But isn’t he related to Michael Jackson?
No.
What about Samuel L. Jackson?
Sure, why not.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 37 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
Job-KIlling Unions Destroy Traditional American Food Values
This is a guest piece by conservative blogger, Fox News contributor, paralegal, and Parent-Teacher Association President Gretchen Knox.
I’ve tried to spread awareness of treacherous job-killing unions in the past, but the lamestream east coast elites won’t listen to a humble patriot such as myself. Today, because of “President” Barack Hussein Obama palling around with union bosses who are undoubtedly telling him to hit the gas and go over the fiscal cliff.
Today, Hostess, a great American country who have provided snacks for all of our childhoods is going out of business because of UNION BOSSES and CHICAGO STYLE PIZZA POLITICS.
A small union’s stubbornness in contract talks with Hostess is being blamed for the shutdown of one of America’s snack food icons, the loss of 18,500 jobs and much-needed tax revenue from hundreds of plants and shops across the country.
The privately-held company had reached a deal with the Teamsters, but a smaller union representing bakery workers refused to agree to concessions, prompting the mass layoffs and closing down of hundreds of plants, bakeries and delivery routes. That prompted harsh words from both the company and from Teamsters officials.
“We deeply regret the necessity of today’s decision, but we do not have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike,” Chief Executive Gregory Rayburn said in a statement. “Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders.”
This is truly a nightmare. I will always remember the first time I had a twinkie food snack at Vacation Bible School in 1968, before the tried to take it away from us (they won’t). It tasted like freedom, and now, Obama’s unions are taking that freedom away from us. What a shame.
RIP Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and the American Way.
The one silver lining is at least the heathens will be without the longest lasting food when the rapture comes.
Source: foxnews.com
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 6 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
5. John Quincy Adams
Was he the first black president?
No.
Was he the first son of a black president to be elected president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 38 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
House GOP Aim To Impeach Obama Over Petraeus Sex Scandal
Washington — House Majority Leader John Boehner confirmed today that congressional republicans will move ahead with plans to impeach President Obama due to former CIA Director David Petraeus’ extramarital affair.
Since Petraeus resigned late last week, many details have emerged, none of which indicate President had anything to do with the affair. Despite this, the House GOP remain steadfast in their calls for Obama to step down.
Bill Clinton was the president most recently impeached by congress, However, unlike Obama, Clinton actually personally participated in an extramarital affair.
Boehner’s announcement confirms earlier rumors suggesting that many House republicans the Petraeus scandal as a way to stop the president from having a second term.
“When I ran for the GOP nomination last year, I pledged to make Barack Obama a one-term president, and following the unfavorable election results, this is our last chance to set America on the right path,” Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachmann said.
While republicans publicly denounce the President and his actions, some moderate party members who spoke on a condition of anonymity admit that impeachment of Obama over an affair he did not participate in is unwarranted and somewhat absurd, it would be a great tool to energize the republican base as they look to rebound in the 2014 midterm elections.
