Old iPhone Sent to Live on Farm in Upstate New York
9-year-old Cindy Hamilton awoke to a surprise Friday morning when she found that her iPhone 4S had been replaced with a brand-new iPhone. Cindy confronted her mother.
“Mommy, my iPhone disappeareded!”
Cindy’s mother, Kathy hugged her daughter.
“It’s okay, sweetie. You have a brand new iPhone! Go play with it.”
“Not the same! Where’s my iPhone?” Cindy said in a huff.
“Well, when an iPhone gets obsolete, it gets sent to live on a big ole farm in upstate new york to live with grandma, grandpa, and your old gerbil, Screwball,” Mrs. Hamilton said.
Cindy, surprised and excited, pressed her mother for additional details.
“It’s a beautiful place, where batteries never die and the signal is always at full bars, and they get to play with all the apps they want, for free!” Mrs. Hamilton said.
“Tell me more! Tell me more!” Cindy said.
“All of the old electronics go there. It’s a peaceful place, where Intellivsions and Nintendo 64s frolic over grassy meadows, the gentle breezes insuring that no cartridges will ever need to be blown in again to work. The iPhone, have their own private area, a walled garden, where Uncle Steve Jobs marvels at his creations.
Cindy jumped for joy, then abruptly stopped.
“Can we go visit my iPhone 4S?”
“No dear. Only iPhones can get in. The farm is surrounded by a forest filled with evil android phones like the DROID RAZR MAXX, HTC EVo 4G LTE, and the SAMSUNG GALAXY S III.
“Yes it is sweetie, yes it is. Now have some fun and play with your new iPhone.”
Later that day, Cindy and her mother died because they tried using Apple Maps and it didn’t show a road that was there before, thus causing a massive accident.
Apple’s Minimalistic iOS 6 Maps Praised for Simplicity
Yesterday, Apple released their new mobile OS, iOS 6. It’s biggest change was the removal of Google Maps in favor of their own map solution. Since then, social media and news outlets have been talking about Apple’s groundbreaking take on maps.
Unlike Google Maps, which uses map data collected from their own research as well as other map providers, Apple’s iOS 6 maps takes a decidedly more minimalistic approach to navigation.
In the new maps, large swaths of the earth are missing, other locations are labeled incorrectly, and there is no support for public transit navigation.
“ A lot of the planet (Earth) is redundant and, quite frankly, confusing to users, which is why we chose to eliminate the extraneous parts, leaving iPhone owners with a cleaner, sleeker experience,” Apple said today in a press release.
More examples of Apple’s Minimalist Maps: http://theamazingios6maps.tumblr.com/
HTC Announces New Windows Phone, Impending Bankruptcy
(Photo from The Verge)
Yesterday, smartphone maker HTC announced two new devices, Windows Phone 8X and Windows Phone 8S. Unfortunately, these phones run the Windows Phone 8 operating system, which is a smooth, beautiful, and intuitive OS that is also every iPhone/Android owner’s second choice.
HTC probably made this choice because their Android phone sal es have been falling while Samsung’s Galaxy S, Motorola’s Droid series, and Google’s Nexus phones continue to build strong brand ties to the Android OS. HTC, on the other hand, made a variety of brands across different different carriers. Even their new flagship HTC One series isn’t consistent across carriers. Even their most successful android brand, EVO, is exclusive to third-place Sprint.
Not even BEATS BY DR. “I prescribed myself steroids and human growth hormones” DRE will make these new HTC Windows Phones relevant in the market.
In the broader sense, WP’s major issue is that it is the second choice of iPhone and Android phone owners. It is basically the Ron Paul of Mobile OS. Android/iPhone owners each like WP for the exact reason that the other group hates it, so they end up just sticking with Android/iPhone instead of picking a new third party.
Until Microsoft overcomes this obstacle, they will languish in distant third place.
As for HTC, it makes sense to diversify, and the move toward more cohesive brands makes sense, but it might be too late for such small steps.
Romney to Announce VP Via iPhone/Android Apps. Will This Cost Him the BlackBerry/WinMo/WP7 Vote?
The 2008 Obama Campaign will be remembered for being the first modern presidential campaign to successfully use email and text messaging to tangible ends. Now, Mitt Romney plans to take the next logical step by announcing his vice-presidential candidate through his iOS and Android apps.
As we know, Romney is a shrewd businessman, which is exactly why he snubbed BlackBerry, Windows Mobile, Windows Phone 7, Web OS, and featurephone owners.
To be honest, he should have snubbed Android users as well considering that they are all dirty poors and an “Android user with a Galaxy S3” is basically th e 2012 equivalent of a “Welfare queen in a Cadillac”
Ignoring BlackBerry is a sign that the Romney campaign is sure it has the support of
Wall Street bankers business leaders rich people job creators.
However, this could backfire, considering the last time Romney’s app was in the news, it was for rebranding the U.S. as a solution to our debt crisis.
Romney app insiders leaked the top list of possible VP candidates in source code of the app. They are:
Sen. Paul Ran (Wisconsin)
Sen. Marc Ruby (Florida)
Sen. Natalie Portman (Ohio)
Gov. Bobby Ken Doll (Louisiana)
Change in Pocket Used to Rationalize Over $75 in App Purchases
Tempe, Ariz — Local seventh grade Biology teacher Mike DiSanto purchased Angry Birds on his iPhone today, bringing his total amount of money spent on apps to $75.
DiSanto’s behavior began when he first purchased an iPhone 3GS two years ago.
“At first I told myself that I wouldn’t waste money on cheap little games, but then they turned out to be cooler than I thought.
While slow at first, DiSanto’s app purchasing intensified as he became used to his new smartphone. As of October 2011, the change in his pocket rationalized up to three app purchases per week.
When asked if he felt the $75, which could have been spent on football tickets, a night on the town with friends, or any other activity, was excessive, DiSanto disagreed.
“I just bought a sandwich at lunch, so I’ve got at least $1.13 in my pocket.”
DiSanto then bought five apps prior to the conclusion of this interview.
In related news, 5 Android app developers were robbed at gunpoint by Android users today after being asked to “pay” for android apps.
Dirty Cricket Poors Descend Upon iPhone And Ruin it for EVERYONE
First they came for the BlackBerries, and I didn’t speak out because I had moved on to touchscreen phones.
Then they came for the Android phones, and I didn’t speak out because I wanted the most updated operated system
Then they came for Instagram, and I didn’t speak out because I was there first.
Then they came for the iPhone, and there was no relevant smartphone brand left to place a false sense of superiority upon.
The dirty poors have long been advancing upon the iPhone. Now the Cricket iPhone has truly ruined it for all of the upstanding contract iPhone customers.
Car, App, Crash Simultaneously
Onalaska, Wisc — One man was injured early Monday morning following the simultaneous crashes of his 1999 Honda Civic and the Twitter application on his iPhone.
Guy Mallow, 33, was driving home from work when he decided to check his Twitter account.
“I got out around 2:30, so the road was pretty empty.”
Mr. Mallow successfully managed to operate both a computer many magnitudes more powerful than those used for the first space shuttle and an object going over 60 miles per how at the same time for at least five minutes.
He lost control of the app while scrolling through his Twitter feed too quickly. By the time the app crashed, Mr. Mallow’s car laid on its side in a roadside ditch.
“The curve on the road caught me off guard. Wish there was an app to alert me of those things,” Mr. Mallow said.
Apple VP Rage-quits Instagram Because of Dirty Android Poors Ruining The Community
I have reported before on the ongoing battle of Instagram in the Phone Warz. It was taken to another level today when Apple Senior Vice-President Phil Schiller announced that he stopped using popular nostalgia photograph app Instagram.
Instagram is a great app and community. That hasn’t changed.
But one of the things I really liked about Instagram was that it was a small community of early adopters sharing their photographs.
Now that it has grow(n) much larger the signal to noise ratio is different.
That isn’t necessarily good or bad, it’s just not what I originally had fun with.
Mr. Schiller has a great point. The additional 5 million Android Instagram users are totally ruining it for the 30 million iPhone Instagram users. It’s like the Androids are taking over the
neighborhood app and ruining all of the iPhone users’ property values photo-sharing experience.
While this news is troubling, it does open the door for an entrepreneur to make another, more exclusive app similar to Instagram, but maybe this time it’ll look like grainy pictures from early 2 megapixel digital cameras.
Expect iPhone users to abandon Instagram en masse and move to
the suburbs a newer, app with three bedrooms and two and a half baths more image filters.
U.S. Marshals Sent to the Internet to Desegregate Instagram
Internet — President Obama sent a team of U.S. Marshals into the Internet late Thursday night to desegregate the popular photo-sharing application, Instagram.
Conflict began Tuesday afternoon, when Instagram announced it would now allow Android smartphone users into its application. iPhone users, who had long been the sole residents of Instagram, riled against the news, then took to the internet to protest their new Android neighbors.
“Ew Android lol,” an iPhone Instagram user said.
The situation escalated Wednesday, when iPhone users organized a coordinated set of photo-bombs against Android users’ newly tinted photography.
“We will not stop until our community is pure again,” - said an anonymous member of the iOS Infantry.
President Obama directed the Marshals to protect Android users’ photographs as the make the trek from their phones to the internet.
“Many believe that there is a divide in America. They look at Congress, and think that the nation is irreparably broken. I disagree. I look across this great country and see that Democrats and Republicans, the faithful and the faithless, and even iPhone and Android users can live together in harmony,” President Obama said during an emergency prime time speech tonight.
Instagram Released for Android. Will Dirty Poors Ruin It?
Instagram is a popular photo-sharing/social networking/nostalgia exploitative app that was exclusive to iPhones until today. This is a huge boon to Android phone owners, who have long wanted to turn pictures of the mundane into art, but lacked the necessary application to do so.
One of Instagram’s old signs outside of their app.
Unfortunately, when anything is opened up to the public, people who were originally in the “in” group aren’t happy about all the new people coming in.
This should be noted as a momentous day in the Cell Phone Warz. Millions of people around the world, who are probably poor because they didn’t buy an iPhone because only poors buy Android phones, are now able to break the sepia-toned glass ceiling of the photo-sharing world.
Bravo, Instagram, Bravo.
Motorola Stealth Announces New Android Tablet on SNL
It seems that Motorola has chosen to unveil its newest Android tablet, the Droid Zyboard, on the popular TV show Saturday Night Live.
While no specs were released, our tech blog photo analysis says that the Droid Zyboard Tablet probably runs Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwhich, has an 8.9 inch screen, and comes with the newest version of MOTOBlur.
We will release more information as soon as a worker at Foxconn takes photos and sends them to Engadget.
EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a real product that Motorola named “Zyboard”. We were surprised, too.
Blackberry Rebrands Itself As a Saturday Morning Cartoon Show
Blackberry has fallen on rough times ever since people stopped wanting phones with more than ___ buttons. They have gone through corporate rearrangements, even appointing a new CEO in an attempt to win back the future from iPhone and Android.
Now they have a BOLD new plan to win. They will market their device to the neglected children of high-powered CEOs who also own Blackberries unless their company got tired of them and now just switched to iPhone 4Ss.
This truly is a bold stop by RIM to prey on familial bonds in order to maintain market share, but you know what they say, the families that Blackberries together, stays together.