Young Man Yells At Cloud

Obama’s Death Panels Take First Victim Following Campaign Stop at Ohio Diner

Ever since Chief Justice Robert sided with the liberal wing of the Supreme Court on Obamacare, real Americans have waited int error for the first victim of Obama’s death panels. Unfortunately for apple pie and bald eagles, that day has come. 

Yesterday, the President made a campaign stop at a small diner in Akron, where, like one of Galactus’ heralds, revealed that he would soon destroy the owner of this small business because Obama hates _____________.

For Josephine “Ann” Harris, however, none came close to President Barack Obama visiting her West Akron restaurant. He was her hero.

Harris, who didn’t know Obama planned to visit until earlier that morning, sat at a booth with a wet towel around her neck.

The Death Panels arrive announced, leaving the soon-to-be-condemned to scramble proof that they are worth getting health care or something (that’s how this works, right?)

Within hours of Obama’s visit, Harris, who had been ill for some time, complained of fatigue and a tingling feeling. She was rushed to Akron General Medical Center, where she died about 11:15 a.m., according to the Summit County Medical Examiner’s Office

The panel acts quickly, drawing a verdict long before poor Ms. Harris could even appeal their decision to end her life. 

Harris had no idea Obama would make a stop at her small diner, which she had owned for about 30 years. Her daughter came and picked her up, and they hurried to the restaurant. 

One can only imagine how many elderly small business owners, cool grandpas, and eccentric uncles Obama will sentence to death over the course of the campaign, but conservative estimates expect at least 2 million sentences by the end of the 2012 campaign.