Who Was the First Black President? (Part 18 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
18. Ulysses Grant
Is he related to President Grant from Scandal?
No.
But is he having an affair with Olivia Pope?
Think about what you just asked.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 30 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
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Who Was the First Black President? (Part 17 of 44)
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 17 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
17. Andrew Johnson
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 27 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
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Who Was the First Black President? (Part 16 of 44)
Netflix to Release Entire 30-Episode 2016 Election this Fall
Los Gatos, Calif — Netflix announced its plans to release the entire 2016 U.S. Presidential Election at once later this year.
The announcement comes in the wake of Netflix’s hit original political drama, House of Cards.
“Fans and critics alike have praised not only House of Cards top-notch production, but also its groundbreaking new distribution model,” Netflix CEO Reed Hastings said.
The first of the show’s two seasons will center on New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s attempt to win the Republican presidential nomination following an early loss in the Iowa Caucus.
The second season, set to release on New Year’s Day 2014, will focus on Christie’s tough general election campaign against former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton.
“By consolidating the months of attack ads, debates, tumblr memes, and punditry into 30 episodes, we give viewers the opportunity to follow the election of their leader at their own pace,” Hastings said.
Netflix won the right to the untitled series after an intense bidding war with HBO. The cable juggernaut congratulated Netflix in a statement released earlier today.
“While we ere initially interest in the [2016 Election] project, early focus group testing showed revealed that most Americans do not care about the intricacies of politics,” HBO spokesperson Maryanne Wallace said.
“Did you know that almost half of the electorate doesn’t even bother to vote in a presidential election? With those odds, how could a show like his even work,” Wallace said.
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 16 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
16. Abraham Lincoln
Was he the first black president?
No.
But didn’t he fre-?
Yes
So shouldn’t he at least be an honora-?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 28 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 15 of 44)
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 15 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
15. James Buchanan
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 29 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 14 of 44)
U.S. Dept.of Synergy to Touch Base With 75% of Americans by Q3 2018
Washington — Following calls for incresed vertical integration and workflow streamlining, U.S. Synergy Secretary Henry Dawson announced an initiative to touch base with 75 percent of Americans by mid-quarter 3.
The move, outlined in a 25 panel deck during a mid-morning power-huddle, contains at three distinct phases.
“We still have a cuss and discuss about a few issues on the Chinese menu, but we should be ready to ramp up the cross-sectional reviews in time for our Q3 pipeline, provided we minimize pushback,” Sec. Dawson said.
Many pundits believe that the Synergy Department is downplaying potential downstream conflicts, particularly the chance that pipeline schedules could easily delay base touching to as far as Q2 2019.
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 14 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
14. Franklin Pierce
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 30 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
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Who Was the First Black President? (Part 13 of 44)
BREAKING: Mitt Romney to Run for Pope
Vatican City — Despite the short timeframe since his loss to Incumbent President Barack Obama last November, former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced his intention to run for the soon-to-be-vacted top Papal office.
Romney, a devout Mormon, announced his plans in a press release issued only seconds after the Vatican revealed that Pope Benedict’s resignation effective February 28th.
“I learned many lessons from the 2012 campaign. Chief among this is to never stop trying, no matter what. I see Pope Benedict’s resignation as a sign from the Almighty. Maybe I was not meant to be President, but I am meant to be Pope.”
Romney balked at critics who argue that his devout Mormon past will get in the way of his 2013 Papal run, saying that he had no problems changing policy positions during his Presidential bids and that as a former “turnaround artist”, he knows how to revive dying institutions.
“The Catholic Church in America is shrinking. Parishes are closing, and churches are being consolidated day-by-day. I know how to fix that!
The former governor plans to begin his campaign today in Vatican City, where he will meet with key members of the College of Cardinals. Romney said he looks forward to gaining their support, also noting that the College of Cardinals is a much fairer election system than the Electoral College.
January 2013 Pop Culture Halloween Costume Power Rankings
It is never too early to begin planning for a Halloween costume, particularly considering the potential gravity of the choice. A knockout Halloween costume can have people talking for weeks, while a lame “rip up some thrift store clothes, put blood and makeup on, and call it a day” will be forgotten while you sweat it all off at a Halloween party.
MEN
3. Barack Obama
Having successfully made it to his second term in office, Obama now gets to continue his hate-hate relationship with Congress. Also, since he no longer will run for office, liberal are now free to criticize him.
What you need: A suit, classified documents on targeted killings of U.S. citizens.
2. Lance Armstrong
For some reason, people demanded a public flogging of former Tour-de-France winner Lance Armstrong because he used steroids which I guess is significantly different from college student taking adderall or an aspiring actress getting implants.
What you need: A suit, Oprah (for an interview), Livestrong bracelet.
1. Manti Te’o
The Manti Te’o story is one of the best TV shows of the Winter Season. No other TV show combines widespread systemic journalistic ineptitude, an MTV show called “Catfish”, a non-existant girlfriend. It seemingly came to an end this past week when alleged mastermind spoke with Doctor
What you need: The gullibility of a 2-year-old, NFL-caliber athleticism.
WOMEN
3. Hillary Clinton
Hillary ended her stint as Secretary of State this month, leaving Fox News anchors without someone to constantly badger about Benghazi.
What you need: Pantsuit, Benghazi Flu (conservative)/blood clot (liberal)
2. Manti Te’o’s Non-existant Girlfriend
Not since Paula Abdul and MC Scat Cat has the public been so fully enraptured by a half-fictional pair of star-crossed lovers.
What you need: A wild imagination
1. Beyoncé
With performances lined up for the Super Bowl and the Presidential Inauguration, January was supposed to be her month. Unfortunately for her, lip-syncing scandal halted her momentum. She recovered briefly with her Super Bowl Halftime Show performance, but when her publicist asked websites to take down unflattering pictures of Beyonce, the Internet did what the Internet does:
What you need: Nobody but Beyoncé can be Beyoncé.
BONUS
NObama Craps on the Constitution, Allows USPS to remove Saturday Service
This is a guest piece by conservative blogger, Fox News contributor, paralegal, and Parent-Teacher Association President Gretchen Knox.
Many of you have written me emails, probably claiming that I am biased “I am NOT!” However, I do not read them, because I prefer the intimacy of good ole’ fashioned TRADITIONAL AMERICAN VALUES MAIL.
Now you might think “Gretchen, but don’t you hate big gubberment programs?” and I do as all God-fearing Americans should, BUT , I also formed my political opinions in 1972 and will not let a little INTERNET ruin the time-honored traditions of yesteryear, especially ones rooted in our HOLY CONSTITUTION.
I refuse to sit idly by as barack HUSSEIN obama continues to crap on the Constitution. We patriots must rise up and return to our roots, mailing letters on parchment with a quill pen while struggling with dysentary. Until we do this, Obama will continue to torch our hallowed rights.
I urge you: delete your Yahoo, your Bing, Your GoogleFace, and sit down and write some letters. I am even getting my Hipster Nephew in on it. (I told him that it’s vintage lol hipsters)
FUN FACT: Did you know that every second, a slice of the Constitution the size of a football field is used as toilet paper by Obama and his “family”?
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 13 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
13. Millard Fillmore
Was he the first nerd president?
Hell yeah with a name like “Millard” I bet people stole his coin-purse all the time in high school.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 31 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 12 of 44)
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 12 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
12. Zachary Taylor
Is he named after Home Improvement child star Jonathan Taylor-Thomas?
No, that’s not how names or biology work.
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 32 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
PREVIOUSLY
NRA Releases New Ad Doubling Down On Armed School Guards Nationwide
National Rifle Association leader Wayne LaPierre shocked the country when, in the wake of the Sandy Hook massacre, he suggested that every school should have armed guards. Now, the NRA released an ad slamming President Obama for opposing their proposal suggesting an armed guard in every school in America, despite having armed security (Secret Service) for his kids.
Of course they aren’t more important, but they are operating under significantly different circumstances than the vast majority of American kids. Specifically, most kids’ parents aren’t on the receiving end of death threats.
It is important to note the distinction between children who should be able to reasonably expect to be safe at school and children of world leaders whose lives are in moreso in danger just by virtue of being the child of the President of the United States.
Or, you could make a reductive Ad that fails to distinguish the different circumstances faced by average American Children vs. the President’s children.
Source: Gawker
Who Was the First Black President? (Part 11 of 44)
In a harrowing 44-part series, I will examine each President and answer the toughest question of all: Who really was the first black president? Have we even had a black president? By combining the most current research with expert analysis, I will settle the debate raging through this great nation.
11. James K. Polk
Was he the first black president?
No.
Stay Tuned for next 33 installments of “Who was the real first black president?”
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